Another humor article
Have you ever felt like out-nice-ing people? When, for courtesy’s sake you top a compliment with a bigger compliment, and then they do too? There’s always one winner..It can turn into deadly competition sometimes… Take a simple goodbye for example.
Tsogtoo: (to himself) Ene udaa bi diilegdehgue….. (Translation: I won’t be beaten this time…)
Classmate Dave comes into the room
Tsogtoo: Yo, what’s up man? You leaving?
Dave: Hey, yeah man, I’m so tired..
Tsogtoo: Ok, well, bye then
Dave: Oh, ok, bye! See ya man
Ts: See ya!
Dave: Have a good afternoon! Good luck
Ts: You too! Have a great rest of the day!
Dave: *sighs, It’s all homework bro, you know how the IB is… Oh, good luck on studying for the math test!
(Dave starts to walk out of the room…)
Ts: Yeah, you too! Oh, good luck on the historical investigation draft too!
(Dave suddenly stops, and seems to be fidgeting)
D:Yeah, gotta finish that, right? Ahah, Good luck on ALL your studying today dude!
Ts: (thinking to himself): Ooooh, he’s gooood, but I’m betta!
Ts: Yeah, and good luck tomorrow on the actual test too! And, you know, handing the investigation in and stuff (leans back on chair casually)
D squints eyes…There’s a moment of silence
Ts: (smugly) Well, I gotta get going too-
D: You know, this week’s such a tough week, I probably won’t be seeing ya much anyway, so I just wanna say good luck this whole week! :)
Ts: YEAH!? WELL….*coughs.. Well, actually good luck this whole month man :D. Cuz I’ll probably forget…ya know
D: Yeah, what the IB can do to your memory, right?
Both laugh nervously
D: Well, you know, I just wanna say, good luck this whole year Ts-Dog! (attempts to fist bump Tsogtoo…awkward…)
T: Haha, well, might as well wish ya luck on the IB too, right? Good luck on that! (jokingly buddy-nudges Dave)
Silence….Ts is waiting… sweat beads trickling down his forehead….
D: Thanks. :), oh, my ride’s outside waiting, I gotta…..
Tsogtoo can’t believe his ears…
D: Good luck and god bless you on your uni apps and college in general, aight?
Dave makes a run for it
Ts: OH, NO YOU DON’T!!!!!
Tsogtoo runs after Dave and tackles him to the ground. They struggle for a while on the ground.
Ts: I’m Atheist! That doesn’t count!!!!!
D: Yeah, well, I’ve got TONS OF other stuff man! I’ve been doing this for years…Birthdays, church… My mom denied me candy when I didn’t say my please and thank you’s! You think you got what it takes? You ROOKIE?! *Screams. BREAK A LEG ON YOUR APP TO NYU!!! (Sucker punches Tsogtoo)
Ts: SHUT UP!! My mom pinched me whenever I didn’t say just one single thank you! Birthdays? Ha, try family gatherings! You know how hard it is to stand and get kissed by your Aunt Eegii, when her breath smells like rotten egg salad kept in gym socks? DO YOU!? YOU’RE the amateur! (Pulls on Dave’s ears) I HOPE YOU MEET THE WOMAN OF YOUR DREAMS!!!
D: F*** YOU!!! (Kicks Ts off; stands up, face red) I’LL PRAY TO GOD YOU FULFILL YOUR DREAMS OF BEING AN ASTRONAUT EVEN IF YOU’RE ATHEIST CAUSE THAT’S HOW NICE I AM!!! (Puts index finger in mouth, getting ready for a wet willy)
Ts Dodges the wet willy, grabs Dave’s arm and twists it to his own ear
Ts: I HOPE YOU LIVE A FULFILLING LIFE YOU MOTHERF***ER!!!!! (Succeeds in the wet willy and quickly runs away)
D: COWAARD!!!! (Lunges, and grabs Tsogtoo by the ankle)
Ts puts his fingers in his ears
Ts: LALALALALALA!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
D grabs Tsogtoo’s hands and pin them to the ground
D: LISTEN TO ME! I HOPE YOU LIVE A RICH, HAPPY, F***ING WONDERF—-
There’s a cough to the left of Dave and Tsogtoo. Both turn around.
All the teachers are standing to their left. D and Ts get up awkwardly…
Both run out of the school, panting.
Ts: Hey man, I’m sorry about…
D: Yeah me too, haha. We were stupid…
Ts: Ha, well, I started it
D: Nah, man, it was really my fault. Trust me, I’m sorry.
Tsogtoo squints his eyes again…
Ts: No man, since I started it…
Dave yells and tackles Tsogtoo to the ground where they resume their fight.
I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME READING THIS!!
NO, NO, I REALLY HOPE YOU DO!!!
IN FACT, GOOD LUCK AT SCHOOL!